stream of rockiness

This is really gay I want to go to Princeton but the essay prompts are both so broad it’s like write about your life. Umm okay? what about it. include in your essay a quote that relates to a specific experience that relates to your defining one of your values. what the F? can you give me more boring prompts. maybe I don’t want to go there because the prompts are just so damn impossible.

but what’s making them impossible, I’m sure it’s me. but knowing that doesn’t do a thing to help me fix it, the problem, which is that I write all the time so why can’t I write two measly essays? I had so much confidence when I started college applications because I can kick out a killer essay in like 25 minutes, this is easy I thought, no problem. so why am I still sitting here, on December 28, struggling with first drafts?

mom doesn’t understand. it should be more important to you than it is to anyone else. well DUH, thanks for that. that’s exactly WHY it’s so freaking hard for me. because it’s my life, it’s me that either gets in or doesn’t, that’s why it’s so freaking important to me that everything is perfect. but it’s not perfect and I don’t know how to make it good enough. I’m trying, mom, can’t you see all I do is try.

as usual

i find it impossible to concentrate when it comes to doing things that really need to get done.
this is getting ridiculous. im getting on my own nerves.

but im not even necessarily distracted...
im just bored before i even start working. just the IDEA of starting something i have to finish makes me cringe. the dread begins.

i would rather be creative.

ideas for new years' eve activities

1. make a 2008 list
2. make goal cards
3. make a dream collage
4. write a letter to myself
5. fill out a calendar
6. type out a concrete game plan
7. create a piece of art
8. pull an all-nighter to complete action steps
9. set up project files
10. work on room
11. make a life paths web

welcome to my home